Saturday, September 25, 2010

Reido's Top Badasses Pt. 2

I was hoping to write a few other posts before this one, but after a sub-par day I think I need to discuss a list in order to center my ch'i. Well, finish the list and look at a funny picture. I like funny things.

HurHurHur...On to the conclusion of the list (Pt. 1 HERE)!

5). Doc Holliday - the Debaucherous Badass

I am of course talking about Val Kilmer's epic portrayal of the Old West icon. Doc just reeks of smoke, alcohol, and a cocktail of bodily fluids. But hey, by the time we see him in the movie he's already practically dying from God knows what, so LAY OFF! Even with his poor state of health (due, no doubt, to his infamous wanton lifestyle), Doc kicks some major ass and somehow manages to maintain his dignity. Doc is the only "real person" on my list. He's also one of the most quotable characters in movie history. I raise my mason jar of absinthe in his honor.

4). Randle Patrick McMurphy - the Anti-Authoritarian Badass

In any conversation regarding badass people, Jack Nicholson should be mentioned somehow. He is the patron saint of badasses. And so here we have Randle, a man who very purely exhibits the badass aura. Almost from the start of the movie, we see him as someone who has the freedom of spirit that many of us long for - granted, that spirit got him in trouble for statutory rape. But that's besides the point. Randle bucks against a nurse, and society, that doesn't quite know how to handle people who are living life to its fullest. The fun of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is partially because the lines of sanity and insanity are often blurred - Randle included. Even if he would know his fate, I believe Randle would stay true to the badass lifestyle.

3). Max Rockatansky - the Silent Badass

The Road Warrior is on my short-list of favorite action movies of all time. And I'll go ahead and say that Mel Gibson is an important reason for it. He nails the role of Mad Max, a man of very few words (especially in this movie). In one of cinema's most kickass car chases, he defends a caravan of extras from Olivia Newton-John music videos from a marauding gang of BDSM bikers = AWESOME. Sawed-off shotgun: check. Cool dog companion: check. Tough car: check. Emotional distance from most people: check. Badass to be reckoned with: check.

2). Blain Cooper - the Cartoony Badass

OK - I mean "cartoony" in the best possible way. Jesse Ventura gets to play a badass to truly be envied. Not only does he get to say the most outrageous stuff (e.g. "This stuff will make you a god damned sexual Tyrannosaurus, just like me." WHAT!?), but he also gets to shoot an outrageous gun, and dies an outrageous death. Blain is perfectly cast. Who else but a professional wrestler and/or Governor of Minnesota could make bat-shit crazy look like so much fun. And as long as there are people in this world with an unhealthy obsession with professional wrestling and action movies like Predator, I think it's safe to say that we're safe from alien invasion. This badass has just saved the Earth. Booya.

1). Jules Winnfield - the Badass Badass

Could it be anyone else? I mean, I don't think there's anything to say. Just read the man's wallet if there are any questions.

And there we have it - some of the best badass characters in movie history. We laughed, we cried, and I think we learned a lot about ourselves in the process. There were a number of hard calls that I had to make with this list, and some people were probably sacrificed for the sake of diversity. For a number of other great badasses, check out Agust's list. Excelsior!


ross charles said...

Reid, I had to stifle my laughter the whole way through this because I'm at my desk in a shared office, but that was great. Keep it coming.

Reido Bandito said...

Thanks. The instant death motivated me.